Adieu – (The final words of Gilles de Rais)

by Jonas Hyde

On this eve I bid adieu,
as night’s fall does approach,
and tho’ in truth I beg not to encroach,
upon your time or even guilt too,
for salvation I beg anew.

Curse of crime and dastardly deed,
chains my soul prisoner to this day,
for on my path I walked astray,
possessed by thirst and greed,
as to these sins and more I do concede.

Where to begin I do not know,
save to start where all tales do,
just be sure that when I am through,
you feel not pain or woe,
for this wicked garden I myself did sow.

At morn’s light I am set to die,
as the woven fibers of my crimes,
hang my body ‘till death’s bell chimes,
an eye for an eye,
so on this final night I bemoan and cry.

I go to sleep this eve knowing my fate,
fearing not the dawn,
fearing not for my sins are long forgone,
‘stead tonight I sit and wait,
for punishment deserved born of sickness and hate.

I know my soul should fear,
the coming of the end,
but it does not for I know I must amend,
to pay for crimes so severe,
for in sorrow I am sincere.

No longer do I thirst for the taste more,
of young life wetting my palate,
but my fate was sealed with the hammering of the magistrate’s mallet,
ending my sins of yore,
crimes that now even I abhor.

Instead I cry out in sorrow,
as I mourn those who fell victim to my sin,
prepare for my eternal suffering to begin,
as my ain death will come tomorrow,
a day more I cannot borrow.

Those who call me friend,
say the Tempter grabbed hold of me and has not let go,
but this I know,
the level of my sins may transcend,
but hope for my salvation shall never end.

Just remember I was once simply a man as you,
and this is my final farewell,
tho’ woken from the Tempter’s spell,
my crimes broke nearly every taboo,
and with every death my punishment I did accrue.

So I scribe these words in the ink of my sin,
leaving my last breath as one of hoped atonement,
and I would pray for death’s postponement,
if I knew where to begin,
but my fate is sealed and always has been.

To Him,
I beg for your arms,
to enjoy your infinite charms,
for tho’ life led was grim,
my soul yearns for the favour of your whim.

To those who fell beneath my curse,
your eternity shall be far more bountiful than mine,
tho’ do not think me to pine or whine,
or that I want you to be swayed by this verse,
as I know my life has been beyond perverse.

To those who I leave behind I offer this search,
judge me not only by my mark of madness,
for to do so would cause great sadness,
I know I had walked a path of sin with a lurch,
but consider the offerings I brought to both country and church.

Gilles de Rais is my name,
for those who know me not,
but I fear due to my deeds I shall never be forgot,
tho’ let me with these words proclaim,
that I seek not to exhale the curse of blame.

Just know I was not always the monster or fiend,
your thoughts make me to be,
and even tho’ from my sins I shan’t flee,
at any moment He could have intervened,
but guilt of consciousness was never gleaned.

So continue on I did,
spreading my seed of sin for five years straight,
destroying what He did create,
and tho’ of the lust I tried to get rid,
I hungered for what all others forbid.

Tho’ I digress for of my past there is more to tell,
intelligent in my youth,
and born into wealth by virtue and truth,
I led a life of nobility so as effect in all I did excel,
but on my ego I like not to dwell.

Let it be said,
it was not until I fell into service of the Royal Guard,
did my lust for sin grow causing my soul to be ever scarred,
as with each kill the desire within would spread,
mesmerizing my soul betwixt pleasure and dread.

I did great good in this role it should be known,
celebrated even by the our lord and King,
to le Victorieux great triumphs I would bring,
whilst fighting ‘long-side Lady Joan,
our accomplishments and legends had grown.

I tell you this not to make myself something great,
or to make any plea impassioned,
but simply to show my evil was rationed,
that my judgment was clouded by fate,
for this sinner I myself did not want to create.

I was not always this creature,
who is now reflecting upon his life,
filled with torment and strife,
I was a man who in youth wanted to be a preacher,
but instead had war as my teacher.

I was once a man of great honor and deed,
unfortunately for those who fell victim to me,
bloodlust became my life’s decree,
the succulent taste of salt and seed,
was all that would satisfy my sinful greed.

Over the next five years,
the Tempter within decided my fate,
an intimate torture to which none of you can ever relate,
and while this countryside was gripped by their fears,
with every kill I sobbed my own silent tears.

Tho’ my secular sentence is for the cruelty upon two hundred souls,
I confess before God in hopes of salvation,
in truth three times that is a truer revelation,
so here I sit as it is one of my goals,
to tell you both Tempter’s jester and King’s prince have been but two of my roles.

I am thankful to be here now,
in this room of cold dark stone,
as without it – if I were still on my own,
filling my needs I would still allow,
to this I can avow.

For with every life I took,
I had the wanton desire for two more,
as if truly the Tempter’s whore,
I never would have stopped the crimes which chilled and shook,
no matter the remorse I felt – the yearning within was simply too much to overlook.

It is time now to end this script,
as I can see the hints of dawn approaching,
light upon the night is encroaching,
and tho’ my freedom has been taken and stripped,
I care not if this room becomes my crypt.

For I bid this world my final goodbyes,
and in sorrow I sit,
to all my crimes I hereby admit,
but let it be known there is a man within who now cries,
a man who accepts his coming demise.

My soul feels sorrow and grief,
for bearing witness to the vile deeds of fiend,
whose mirrored stares scorns back broken and demeaned,
so I hope my death is brief,
offering this world from my sins final relief.

I thank you friends far and few,
for having the strength to stop my thirst when I did not,
and I confess these sins and any others I may have forgot,
in hope of finding salvation and the grace of His hue,
so to this world I apologize – and for the final time I bid adieu…